transmigration

Oh geez Oh geeze

honk honk

Today I need to:

Read medieval crap

Exercise (?)

Buy cheeze & grater (?)

Read postmodern crap

Set a date for meeting John O’Brien

Choose classes

Has anyone noticed how advanced greeting cards are getting.  I was gonna pick one up for sebastopol as a gag, but they’re all so ironic and NOISY.  And bulky, and probably expensive.

Though really, who’s counting?

I’m still quite anxious about that $300 I’d like to give to Tennessee.

I’m quite anxious about my parents looming over me.

I also have to call Sonya

I need to pee

I need to see about my enwr

I hate I hate

Ms. Kinney for presenting me with things I half knew and chose to ignore, because it looked like more work.

Ah I hate me for staying up all night

I hate that abortive little ambien for making me happy for a belated thirty minutes before wearing off.

I remember a weird night party towards the end of high school, where people were horseshoed behind the house.  We were waiting for someone a long time.  Probably a dealer.  I was cold and was sitting on a tail gate or a metal picnic table.  It seems like the house was metal too.  It was too late to think of going inside.  Nothing happened.  Other people probably got high.  I think it was Ryan’s house.  An image comes to me of him in a cowboy hat.

I can’t skip lecture because I need a copy of Snow White, which is going to be great.  I won’t have to struggle to stay up for that.  I won’t wish I could supplement my entertainment with food, like I do with Shakespeare these days.

Damn Ms. Maus and her stupid, defeating class. 

So what am I to do?

I see a girl with purple lips.

Things I’d like to do:

Ski

Live in Europe for a few years

Edit a literary journal

Record music

Do things with Richard

Go to grad school for English, go to England, get on the lecture circuit

Have a highpowered job, like law, consulting, government

Be part of what’s happening in the third world

Sometimes I wish I had more structure.  More clear challenges and opportunities to prove myself.  I want to be around people more.  I want to be independent of my parents in every way.

The immediate question is whether to structure my classes with the idea that I’ll stay here another year.  If I stayed another year, I could do Distinguished Majors, maybe even poetry, and apply to grad school.  I’d look for an internship this summer.  Like Aspen Ideas, Norton, or whatever.

If I graduate this spring.  I should still probably look for an internship that will keep me busy until I find a job.

Okay, so the thought of being a ski bum has captured my attention.  Work for Ideas, supplement that with tourism work in the winter.  Run lit mags out of bonny Aspen.  Party, date, ski.   Who knows what people are like in Aspen, of course.  They might be dumb.  But I doubt it.  Too much money & fun.  I could do that for a little while, then try to move over to the European resorts.

Okay, so I’ve just looked at the Ideas website, googled interns for the Festival, and I don’t see anything.  I don’t know what I’d do really.  Particularly since I’m so disorganized and awkward.  Also, I could apply for Explore Bookstore, but there’s no “we’re hiring” thingy on their site.  Of course, there are lots of other, like, bakeries and stuff in town, but goddamnit if I’m gonna work in a bakery like JJ or a grocery store like poor Joe.

While I was fact-finding, I swung by damnit.com, just to you know check things out.  Oh my gawd.  They’re awful, I’m awful, we’re awful.  These people have like the same complaints I do.  Lonely, non-conformist, capriciously heartsick, druuunk.  The only nice person on there was, of course, an Eastern European.  Those people are so funny and nice.

Maybe I should go to Eastern Europe.  I will call Sonya tomorrow.  If New Orleans is not a go, it’s off to the Balkans with me.

An hour and a half before cross-trainer time.  D:  I should read Medieval crap.

Once again, lucky me

Two good bits of uplifting at the mock interview today.  First, commerce career day isn't until next week.  Second, I got the last appointment before November with career counseling, just happened to luck out when I called this morning.
I'm very, very lucky.  Indestructibly lucky.  It sounds like hyperbole, but if more of my history comes out on this blog, you'll see it's true.
So this blog.  I'm writing it because whenever I talk, I have much too much to say.  I'm like Sydney, "pregnant to speak"; like an alcoholic, once I start I can't stop.  I talk my mother's ear off, and it's rude.  Plus, I don't get enough space to discern which ideas are worth airing, and which are better off inside.